dirty 30

so here we are ... blog post number 30 ... wow! it is a milestone for me ... i am sure there will be many more to come ... but i wanted to sit back and relish this ... sure this blog hasn't taken off like i imagined it would ... i guess a part of me wanted to get picked up by some big internet ad company and i would just sit back and watch the cash start rolling in ... i could quit my job(wait i don't have one) and sit around all day in my underwear, playing xbox, eating a mixture of pork rinds and cheetos, downing mountain dew, while spewing forth anything that came to mind and getting paid for it(hummm sounds like my life minus the getting paid part) ... instead i find myself like a second rate comedian, standing on stage, for an empty house (other then the shit face drunk, and foreign tourist, that stumbled upon the joint ... you know the guy, not fully understanding what's going on, but just hanging around because they don't know of anything else better to do) ... tapping the mic asking "is this thing on???"(cue crickets) ... and i ask IS THIS THING ON? ... well the lack of comments and readers doesn't get me down ... oh no ... the lack of corporate sponsors does not keep me up at night or make or break my blog ... i really don't give a rats ass who does or doesn't read this ... i am strictly here to write some shit for myself ... whether you hear me or not ... feel me or not ... smell me or not ... i am going to keep on keeping on ... so yea, as i sit here, in my star wars PJ's, sipping on yoohoo, eating fruit roll ups,(aaaa yea) i celebrate my 30th blog ... and to quote the immortal Rick James ... "its a celebration bitches!"

My 25th Hour

fuck bottle service! with your fake ass trust fund babies spending money they didn't earn, and your weak ass posers spending their rent, and cell phone money for a bottle you could get a BevMo for less then 20 bucks ...

fuck vip rooms! with your fake ass, label wearing, plastic ass people ... go take public transportation back to your apartment, and living check to check, till i see you out again next week with that "fresh from the department store" look ... 

fuck you douche bags ... with your dumb ass complaining about the music no matter what's playing, and there is never enough "ass" around for you to grope ... you still haven't caught on that she don't give a fuck about your lame, drunken ass ...

fuck you scene fucks ... don't think because i am nice to you that i don't see what you're doing ... you only come around, and bat your eye lashes because you want the guest list, or a free drink, or to flirt with a dj ... then when you get it, you go back to your girl friends, and tell them how you played someone because deep deep down your opinion of yourself is so low you need that bit of satisfaction to keep you from slitting your wrist ... 

i don't hate you ... i just think you should get priorities straight

About My Spizzo

i used to have a myspace ... back when myspace was new ... i was in first 30,000 to have an account ... i don't know if i should be proud of that or what ... anyway i deleted that thing a while back but this is the excerpt from the about me section .... i always wondered how they expected you to write about yourself ... as you can see i thought it was really a joke ... but this is not too far from the truth ... ok here it is ...

i got issues ... skeletons in the closet ... a checkered past ... a bad rep ... i'm nothing but trouble ... i'm always up to something ... people say i'm no good ... i can't make up my mind ever ... i go out too much ... i wear the same old greasy hat everyday ... i might be crazy ... i take my med's with a shot of grey goose ... my therapy is going nowhere ... i like to hit happy hour at El Torito before i go to my AA meetings ... wanna bet if ill make it to gamblers anonymous today? ... i like to take long walks off short piers ... i play with fire ... i read chain letters just to break them ... i drive 50 MPH in the fast lane ... i'm that one guy that just beats you to the drive thru and takes forever to order stuff ... i make it a point to have more then 10 items at the express check out line ... i like to stop in the middle of the aisle at costco for no reason ... i substitute then for than and your for you're so what? i told you im crazy ... i'm known to smash peoples bread in the check out line at the grocery store ... sometimes i get a piece of dried up glue and hang it out my nose so it looks like a booger. then i go around at work to see who is going to tell me like "yo! you got a booger hanging out your nose!" i know who my real friends are now! ... like i said crazy ...

Royale with Cheese part Duex

So fresh from the East Coast ... Boston, NYC ... a quick stint in Vermont ... yes Vermont folks but I actually had a great time ... anyway ... as i mentioned before ... there are the subtle differences between east coast west coast culture ... for instance ... Vermont has free Internet at their roadside rest areas .... NO bathrooms sometimes, but free Internet none the less(go figure)! Of course there are the differences that are obvious ... weather ... a summer in SF CA is pretty damn cold at night ... i always bring a jacket where ever i go ... i just leave it in the trunk ... rain in the summer in the Bay is quite rare ... it rains a lot back east over the summer ... and its still hot as crap ... anyway, so now to the heart of the matter ... the "guts" of this ... so to speak ... ok i never really noticed, but while i was in Vermont i had a bad case of stomach gurgles(The precursor to MUDDBUTT) ... so here i am in a steak house in Vermont, celebrating my brothers Masters Degree, and BLAM it's on me like a crack head is on his dealer when the 1st and 15th rolls around ... I am hurting ... so i make a run on the men's restroom like a state worker making a run on the bank trying to cash a CA state IOU ... time seems to slow down ... picture this (cue the slow motion) bathroom stall door kicked down ... one hand on my belt buckle one hand reaching for the toilet seat covers ... spin move all in one motion slam closed the stall door ... toilet seat cover in one hand ... slides it into to place ... when the sudden realization ... NO toilet seat covers!!! NOOOOOOOOO(in slow motion ... ceiling cam close up slowly pulls out) frantically i begin to engineer some protection out of TP ... my butt cheeks thank me for winning this battle but my insides are slowly letting me know that the war will be lost ... ill spare you the gory details ... (as if this wasn't detailed enough) ... the point i am trying to make is that even in the shittiest(haha no pun intended) of bathrooms in CA ... i am talking total hole in the wall dive bar .. to porta potty ... there are some damn toilet seat covers!!!! East coast is it too much to ask for some damn free toilet seat covers!?!?!?! to add insult to injury i ask the people in my party if they know of this hygiene faux pas, and much to my chagrin ... i guess it was common knowledge that there are no toilet seat covers on the east coast!!! ... i know that there are few who read this blog ... but to those fateful that do ... let this be a lesson to you and a warning ... this knowledge may save your ass (again no pun intended) ... bring your own toilet seat covers when you go to NYC ... or just find a CA based company over there and hijack some ... i happened upon a cache inside the apple store ...

Iphone Update

So a week without Internet has been taxing on the old mind ... Blogging through the phone has been somewhat of a challange, and mind you, not one I am willing to take on much longer ... Its like after a certian amount of time you just used to the technology ... Texting these blogs with my damn iPhone is not my idea of fun kids ... Ok so it took me awhile to abandon paper ... Yes I was born in a time when rewriting something really ment rewriting it ... Like with a pencil and proof reading with a red pen ... And having a paperback dictionary standing by ... Maybe even a book with grammer tips ... Yea that was high school for me folks ... Come to think of it, the phone was still plugged into the wall and we had this extra long cord that could reach every room in the house ... Wow 20 years ago ... Now I send my blog over the wireless 3g network ... And like magic it appears ... This can only add up to one thing ... It's staring me right in the face ... It's hitting me like stubbing my pinky toe on the end table ... Wow I am getting old ...

sent from my iphone

Epic Fail

I think the term "epic fail" is really getting over used, and using it is pretty much labeling yourself an idiot ... First off anything worthy of being called "epic" doesn't sound like it should be failing now does it? Furthermore, epically failing really reminds me if of the footage of preflight plane design ... You know the black and white films with the guy and his eagle wings jumping off a cliff or the one with the quad wing cycle powered thing that breaks in half ... You get the picture? Anything that is an "epic fail" maybe wasn't a really sound idea to begin with ...

sent from my iphone

royal with cheese

.... i am taking a little vacation for some much needed R&R ... so here i am in St. Pete FL! ... coming from the west coast to the east i notice the subtle differences in the culture ... some of the things i notice are pretty amusing if you ask me ... anyway here is a pic of what i am talking about ... more to come ....

aaaa ... yea

... the afore mentioned title of this piece just so happens to be one of my favorite catch phrases ... almost always dished out with a hint of sarcasm ... apropos that i use it on the first of many rants, as i make my foray into the realm of the blogging scene ... aaaaa yea ... has a certain ring to it ... i can hear it now, years later as i look back on my memoirs, the phrase synonyms with my writing career ... aaaa yea? well? we shall see ... we shall see indeed ... so now let us begin at the beginning someone eloquently put it ... it had taken some time for me to put together a theme for my blog ... i seen so many over the past months and i didn't know which direction to take mine ... i mean for real ... you got the pro foodie blogs(i like some of those) ... i'm a fan of a couple of music blogs(self explanatory) ... i seen some product review blogs(very funny) ... political blogs(witty very witty) ... corporate blogs(some of those guys are really pigs) ... and finally, the average real person blog like mine ... i'm not going to write under an assumed name ... most of the things i write about are going to be real events and inspired by real people or places (names will be changed to protect the innocent) ... you most likely are going to get the occasional opinion with a young minority's slant ... and yes the real reason for this blog ... poetry ... so sit back, buckle your seat beat, let's get ready to rumble, welcome to the first day of the rest of your life, and any other over used catch phase in blogdom .... without further ado ... welcome to my blog ...