Hammer Time

Is it me or am i the only person that is grossed out by toes on the dashboard? Hummm ... while i let you take a min to ponder that ... let me take some time to give you a little background on the subject ...

Anyone who knows me and for those who don't (you probably don't) knows that i was born and bred in California ... to be more specific Northern Cali ... to be more specific then that ... the Bay ... and being from the Bay in lovely Northern Cali we tend to have a certain love affair with our cars ... the car is a very important part of the culture not only here in the Bay, but most places near a metropolitan area ... well what the hell ... i'm going to go out on a limb and say the good old US of A ... for us Americans driving is a way a life ... what i am trying to say is that many people commute to work with a car ... and if you don't commute you at least know someone who does ... and if don't know anyone who does you probably live in a place where money is falling out of the sky, you don't need to work, somehow your body is nourished by just breathing, and everyone just sits around singing "we are the world" by the campfire next to the Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny/Santa Clause being all one big happy fairytale world (aaaaaaa ... yea) ... commute or not we have all been on at least one road trip in our lives so hopefully you can relate ... now back to the point i am trying to make ... toes ... bare feet ... feet with socks ... feet period ... do not belong on the fucking passenger dashboard while the fucking car is in fucking motion!!!! am i the only one who sees something terribly wrong with this???? now i have many reasons for this opinion and this offends me on many levels but i will keep it down to just 2 ...

Reason 1) is just pure safety (now who can argue with that ... you see? i really care about YOUR safety) ... i have been in a few car accidents in my day ... some serious some not so serious ... in all the accidents i have been in, especially as a passenger ... i was not paying attention enough nor did i possess the lighting like reflexes to prevent the damn thing ... hence the term accident ... you don't plan that shit out ... it just happens ... usually at the most inopportune time (like when your car insurance is expired) ... so unless you are some sort of prognosticator extraordinaire, or an olympic athlete with the reflexes of a cat, most likely you and your toes are going to be in big trouble when it happens ... ok, best case scenario they are picking toe nails out your forehead at the ER and you have earned one of those, "life of the party", "had to be there", stories that you can tell back at your job at walmart(when you can walk again)... or you can just wow the chicks(or fellas whatever you are into) and tell them how you got those cool scars on your forehead ... of course the reaction will always be "wow those toenail scars are sooooooo cool" ... worst case? you made shishkebab with your head and tibia ... game over ... do not pass go ... no cool scar stories for you ...

Reason 2) now this is just more my opinion and forgive me for giving you my opinion in my own blog (of course i mean that) ... it is just ugly to see on the damn dashboard of a freakin car!!!! ... and again i am going out on a limb here ... NOT so attractive ... what your crusty hammer toes do in the privacy of their own shoes is fine with me(unless its flip flops but that is another blog for me to write) but in full public view on the dashboard? i feel violated ... i think i learned it in jr. high school ... life, liberty, the right to not be exposed to crusty toes? ... i mean come on ... is there that much more room with your feet up on the dash board then just reclining the seat back? is it that much more comfortable? have you been in the car for more than 24 hours straight and can't stretch out at the gas station? what are the reasons? someone fill me in ... let me go out on a limb here ... no one wants to see anyone else's feet unless absolutely necessary ... my take on it is this ... unless A) you are fucking Dr. Scholls... B) are someone i am having sex with ... C) someone related to me or D) some kind of foot model ... i really don't feel the need to see your fucked up feet or toes or the need to show you mine ... so keep them off the damn dashboard of your damn Dodge Caravan people ...