10 July 2009

Royale with Cheese part Duex

So fresh from the East Coast ... Boston, NYC ... a quick stint in Vermont ... yes Vermont folks but I actually had a great time ... anyway ... as i mentioned before ... there are the subtle differences between east coast west coast culture ... for instance ... Vermont has free Internet at their roadside rest areas .... NO bathrooms sometimes, but free Internet none the less(go figure)! Of course there are the differences that are obvious ... weather ... a summer in SF CA is pretty damn cold at night ... i always bring a jacket where ever i go ... i just leave it in the trunk ... rain in the summer in the Bay is quite rare ... it rains a lot back east over the summer ... and its still hot as crap ... anyway, so now to the heart of the matter ... the "guts" of this ... so to speak ... ok i never really noticed, but while i was in Vermont i had a bad case of stomach gurgles(The precursor to MUDDBUTT) ... so here i am in a steak house in Vermont, celebrating my brothers Masters Degree, and BLAM it's on me like a crack head is on his dealer when the 1st and 15th rolls around ... I am hurting ... so i make a run on the men's restroom like a state worker making a run on the bank trying to cash a CA state IOU ... time seems to slow down ... picture this (cue the slow motion) bathroom stall door kicked down ... one hand on my belt buckle one hand reaching for the toilet seat covers ... spin move all in one motion slam closed the stall door ... toilet seat cover in one hand ... slides it into to place ... when the sudden realization ... NO toilet seat covers!!! NOOOOOOOOO(in slow motion ... ceiling cam close up slowly pulls out) frantically i begin to engineer some protection out of TP ... my butt cheeks thank me for winning this battle but my insides are slowly letting me know that the war will be lost ... ill spare you the gory details ... (as if this wasn't detailed enough) ... the point i am trying to make is that even in the shittiest(haha no pun intended) of bathrooms in CA ... i am talking total hole in the wall dive bar .. to porta potty ... there are some damn toilet seat covers!!!! East coast is it too much to ask for some damn free toilet seat covers!?!?!?! to add insult to injury i ask the people in my party if they know of this hygiene faux pas, and much to my chagrin ... i guess it was common knowledge that there are no toilet seat covers on the east coast!!! ... i know that there are few who read this blog ... but to those fateful that do ... let this be a lesson to you and a warning ... this knowledge may save your ass (again no pun intended) ... bring your own toilet seat covers when you go to NYC ... or just find a CA based company over there and hijack some ... i happened upon a cache inside the apple store ...


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