22 July 2009

Blast from the past (deuce)

piece of mind

maybe this is
a fucked up way
to look at it
but when you came into this
holding back that
little piece
not willing to give 100%
of yourself
you are the one who is
i made my mistakes
i crossed boundries
broke some ... deals
but i gave you 100% of
you had all i could give
and i was 100%
hurt by
i think you had that
little piece
of yourself tucked away
so long
that you forgot about it
now you look for it
in someone else
trying to find what is not even there
keep seaching hunny
keep trying to find what you thought
you lost
i aint even mad at you anymore
im so so sorry
but i feel


i lie awake at night
thinking ...
asking the same questions ...
oh dread penance ...
i think about the good and
bad times ...
how i could never be sorry enough
for the past
in your eyes ...
how i could never do enough
to make it right
in your eyes ...
i think how i wasn't good enough
for your truth ...
how you demanded and
mine ...
how it all has changed from
tears all night to
because that's all i will let
because that is all that will
come ... now ... and
by the time that tear dries
i will sleep a dreamless
i think about how i will
to empty days and
going through the motions and
how to get used to the idea of
me without
you ...
i think about right and
wrong ...
sin ... forgiveness ... redemption ...
i see long long days
turn into longer nights and
i lie there
Awake ...


i am a reflection looking at my true self outside the mirror
misery is my comfort
pain makes me feel content
as i look through the glass i wonder if this is the day
will i turn the tables and become myself again?
staring into empty eyes
eyes that i know so well
today is not that day
i see a clenched fist
shards of broken glass on the bathroom floor
pieces of myself as i look closer
many shattered images gaze back at me
beautiful disarray
i reach to grab a piece
i feel it cutting into skin and flesh as i grip it in my hand
warm blood spills out
pain shoots up my arm
i smile
i know i'm alive


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